Creative Constipation
It seems that when I move away from regular writing, the whole system clogs up. I notice how sensitive I am to the moods and needs of others and how willing I am to dam the flow and attend to those needs. I will quickly sell myself out based on a sniffly nose, email distraction or out of misplaced empathy for another's creative drought. Somehow it feels self-righteous to withhold my pleasure and play in the face of competing demands for attention.....very martyr-like of me don't you agree?! That's my good old alter ego, "Francis" at work. (See "Perfectionism" for an intro to Francis)
This clenching up, shutting down process affects every avenue of life for me. What usually fills my writing space is the random observations of life. Little oddities like noticing the sea monkeys swimming in an aimless vortex on my son's desk and wondering why they don't look anything like the ads I used to see in the back of comic books when I was a kid. Do modern sea monkeys eschew the formality of the crowns they were always pictured with back in my day?
Then there are the bigger oddities - like enjoying the various reactions to my dog as we walk the trails. Yes, my dog wears a T-shirt which leads to many a raised eye-brow, a laugh or spontaneous "hello" from a usually quiet passer by. I was once told by one startled neighbor, "Hey! Your dog has a t-shirt on." To which I gasped and responded, "Really?!" amidst a bunch of shared giggles. To my dog's credit, he really loves all the attention it gets him. He seems to really enjoy strutting along, being noticed.
The T-shirt thing happened quite by accident. After he had some minor surgery and wouldn't leave the healing incisions alone, I resorted to putting one of my son's old sweat shirts on him. I swear my dog was euphoric! My doggy mind reading abilities are somewhat limited but I'm pretty certain that he saw this as one step closer to becoming "boy".
His "Pinocchio Complex" has been evolving ever since we brought my infant son home from the hospital and he was de-throned from the centre of attention that he had enjoyed for a few years. With the donning of the sweatshirt, I could see he felt he had moved up a few notches in the world. His love of T-shirts persists.
What is startling is how quickly our t-shirt clad dog/boy became an accepted fact around our household. It takes that daily walk around the block to remind me just what a spectacle it all is! And it reminds me of a few key observations about my world in general.
I notice how acclimatized I have become to the number of unique perceptions, thoughts, ideas that are my expressions in the world. It is often not until they are trotted out in a public domain that I begin to notice them based on the responses of others. I notice that unlike my dog, this recognition and occasional curiosity leaves me feeling uncomfortable while another, more playful part of me craves the attention and a witty joke. Most of all, like my dog, I love it when the otherwise silent passer-by smiles and is jolted into a conversation.
Blogging, walking the dog - 2 sides of the same coin! And both a cure for creative constipation!!
posted by A at 10:29 AM
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