A Woman's Worth
Lately I've been wondering how does one measure a woman's worth?
I've now played for both teams in the Career vs. Stay-At-Home-Mommy game and I can tell you that's its a sad state of affairs to realize that there are no winners. There just a bunch of pissed off, jealous, guilty, self-loathing women roaming the streets! If you are a woman in either of these groups and don't occasionally feel like this....And you're not in deep denial....then you might as well skip to the end of this missive.
If you work and have children the push-pull of career satisfaction and financial need competes head on with a desire to be with your children. Never mind the myriad of child-rearing, house-keeping tasks that exist in even the most liberated of households. And if you are married to an unenlightened cave-man type, well .... I don't think I need to press the point. We have a job at home that requires loads of physical and emotional input and a job outside of it .
But no, my dear reader...the prospect of having 2 full-time jobs is not enough for working mom's. You must also factor in the occasional jealous single coworker who assumes that when you nip out no later than 20 minutes after the work day is done in order to pick up your runny-nosed, cranky kids from a babysitter who is in a near state of collapse after 8+ hours of minding your darlings along with 6 other runny-nosed, cranky pre-schoolers - that you aren't pulling your weight at the office.
And then there are the other women in your life who have made the choice to sacrifice career and many lifestyle luxuries in order to stay at home with their children. Naturally the grass is always greener - no matter what side of the fence you are on. Escape into the working world becomes elevated to near utopia in those weak moments that follow a sprint across a lego strewn floor in order to dive in between and unhappy dog whose tail is firmly in the grip of a gleeful kid. No amount of zen training in the art of walking on hot coals can prepare one's feet for biting pain of lego.....makes stiletto, pointy-toed shoes sound downright luxurious!
As women, we have been sold two competing, seemingly mutually exclusive bills of goods about what is valued. Our incomes, our careers, our responsibility to make the most of our "liberation" go head to head with our culturally conditioned roles as the caretaker of our relationships, the nurturer of our children.
Who loses in the end? WE DO! Now before you say "Amen to that sister", give some careful thought to how much you have bought into aspects of these two competing roles. You see, I think that as women, we have been very quick to mindlessly buy into all kinds of externally imposed expectations. In our defense, they are deeply conditioned beliefs that we carry about what it is to be a woman in Western society.
Now imagine if you could shed all of the thoughts that pop up as you consider your particular set of beliefs about women in the working world and women in the home. Both genders have their own unique composite of ideas, perceptions and beliefs that have been acquired along the way....just begin to notice some of them.
Now if you are a woman, imagine life with no judgments, no guilt. A life that is filled with joy, fulfillment, expression and expansion. I'm happy to say that it can exist....sometimes for fleeting moments and sometimes for extended periods. How do you reach this Mecca, this promised land?
Its actually is an inner journey in which, after paying attention to the many beliefs you hold that leave you feeling breathless, hopeless, guilty, resentful, martyred, stuck, unhappy and ask yourself, "Am I willing to let go of this belief and replace it with what I know, deep in my soul is right for me." And for all you guilt addicts out there...chances are if its right for you, then it IS right for everyone else in your life....they just may need to see the evidence of how this new choice affects you.
Not only do you deserve more, your partner, your kids, your co-workers all benefit too. There is nothing more draining than living or working with someone who is unfulfilled, resentful and /or exhausted. Not to mention the fact that every child deserves a parent who is able to meet their own needs and show up happy, vital and fully present for them. You just can't give what you haven't got. We all know this but we continue to let our guilt and fear of being judged get in the way of living it.
Martha Beck comments in this month's Oprah magazine that there was a unique group of women who emerged in her research about career women and those who had chosen to stay home. She dubbed the group The Mystics. These were women, some at home and some in the workforce, who had transcended the cultural mythologies about work and home-making, moved beyond the competing definitions of women's value and contribution and began to follow their own inner promptings about what was valuable to THEM.
What was striking was that these women refused to be defined by cultural beliefs and tacit rules, they looked inside themselves and created their own unique role. That is an incredible act of honesty, creativity, courage and self-preservation. You can bet that there are many invitations to discover old patterns of beliefs as you choose to create your own unique identity and then reveal it in the world at large...and yet I know this is the true definition of liberation...and its doesn't come from anything or anyone outside yourself.
Want to know a woman's worth? If you are a woman, look inside yourself to discover your own unique identity. Woman or man, the contribution you make to world from that place of authenticity is priceless.
And that is my two cents worth on the topic! What do you have to say?
I've now played for both teams in the Career vs. Stay-At-Home-Mommy game and I can tell you that's its a sad state of affairs to realize that there are no winners. There just a bunch of pissed off, jealous, guilty, self-loathing women roaming the streets! If you are a woman in either of these groups and don't occasionally feel like this....And you're not in deep denial....then you might as well skip to the end of this missive.
If you work and have children the push-pull of career satisfaction and financial need competes head on with a desire to be with your children. Never mind the myriad of child-rearing, house-keeping tasks that exist in even the most liberated of households. And if you are married to an unenlightened cave-man type, well .... I don't think I need to press the point. We have a job at home that requires loads of physical and emotional input and a job outside of it .
But no, my dear reader...the prospect of having 2 full-time jobs is not enough for working mom's. You must also factor in the occasional jealous single coworker who assumes that when you nip out no later than 20 minutes after the work day is done in order to pick up your runny-nosed, cranky kids from a babysitter who is in a near state of collapse after 8+ hours of minding your darlings along with 6 other runny-nosed, cranky pre-schoolers - that you aren't pulling your weight at the office.
And then there are the other women in your life who have made the choice to sacrifice career and many lifestyle luxuries in order to stay at home with their children. Naturally the grass is always greener - no matter what side of the fence you are on. Escape into the working world becomes elevated to near utopia in those weak moments that follow a sprint across a lego strewn floor in order to dive in between and unhappy dog whose tail is firmly in the grip of a gleeful kid. No amount of zen training in the art of walking on hot coals can prepare one's feet for biting pain of lego.....makes stiletto, pointy-toed shoes sound downright luxurious!
As women, we have been sold two competing, seemingly mutually exclusive bills of goods about what is valued. Our incomes, our careers, our responsibility to make the most of our "liberation" go head to head with our culturally conditioned roles as the caretaker of our relationships, the nurturer of our children.
Who loses in the end? WE DO! Now before you say "Amen to that sister", give some careful thought to how much you have bought into aspects of these two competing roles. You see, I think that as women, we have been very quick to mindlessly buy into all kinds of externally imposed expectations. In our defense, they are deeply conditioned beliefs that we carry about what it is to be a woman in Western society.
Now imagine if you could shed all of the thoughts that pop up as you consider your particular set of beliefs about women in the working world and women in the home. Both genders have their own unique composite of ideas, perceptions and beliefs that have been acquired along the way....just begin to notice some of them.
Now if you are a woman, imagine life with no judgments, no guilt. A life that is filled with joy, fulfillment, expression and expansion. I'm happy to say that it can exist....sometimes for fleeting moments and sometimes for extended periods. How do you reach this Mecca, this promised land?
Its actually is an inner journey in which, after paying attention to the many beliefs you hold that leave you feeling breathless, hopeless, guilty, resentful, martyred, stuck, unhappy and ask yourself, "Am I willing to let go of this belief and replace it with what I know, deep in my soul is right for me." And for all you guilt addicts out there...chances are if its right for you, then it IS right for everyone else in your life....they just may need to see the evidence of how this new choice affects you.
Not only do you deserve more, your partner, your kids, your co-workers all benefit too. There is nothing more draining than living or working with someone who is unfulfilled, resentful and /or exhausted. Not to mention the fact that every child deserves a parent who is able to meet their own needs and show up happy, vital and fully present for them. You just can't give what you haven't got. We all know this but we continue to let our guilt and fear of being judged get in the way of living it.
Martha Beck comments in this month's Oprah magazine that there was a unique group of women who emerged in her research about career women and those who had chosen to stay home. She dubbed the group The Mystics. These were women, some at home and some in the workforce, who had transcended the cultural mythologies about work and home-making, moved beyond the competing definitions of women's value and contribution and began to follow their own inner promptings about what was valuable to THEM.
What was striking was that these women refused to be defined by cultural beliefs and tacit rules, they looked inside themselves and created their own unique role. That is an incredible act of honesty, creativity, courage and self-preservation. You can bet that there are many invitations to discover old patterns of beliefs as you choose to create your own unique identity and then reveal it in the world at large...and yet I know this is the true definition of liberation...and its doesn't come from anything or anyone outside yourself.
Want to know a woman's worth? If you are a woman, look inside yourself to discover your own unique identity. Woman or man, the contribution you make to world from that place of authenticity is priceless.
And that is my two cents worth on the topic! What do you have to say?
posted by A at 12:43 PM
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