Strutting Your Stuff!
I've recently developed a fixation with peacocks. Thinking back, it began on a shopping spree with my buddy, Gwen, who took me to this beatiful store in Pakenham. Once there I feel in love with the most georgeous peacock blue blouse and a skirt that blended that tone of brilliant blue with a rich brown. Although not a style I would usually wear, I tried on this ensemble and was stunned to see how it came together.
Let me tell you honestly, that I have struggled most of my life with issues around weight and feelings of insecurity about my physical appearance. When I came out of the dressing room and saw the effect of this combination it felt like a homecoming. The richness, the vibrancy, the sassiness and the sophistication I saw staring back at me in the dress shop mirror was the part of me that had been waiting for a long time to be born.
I bought the outfit....and yes, a few other things too (the cat's already out of the bag now that my husband saw our joint visa bill!). As I stood waiting to pay, it was all I could do to not tell the wonderful saleswoman to hurry up before I changed my mind! I was wrestling with all kinds of thoughts about how my lifestyle really didn't match the beauty and sophistication of the clothes, did I deserve it, maybe I should just lose some weight and then look around for something similar....you know, the usual hoops I know many women jump through. ( I wonder do guys go through the same check out agony as we do? - that's another entry!)
Although I didn't notice it at the time, something had really begun to shift inside me. A desire to create a life outside of me that matched the one inside me more closely. A few days later, though the Creativity And Life Program process I created a painting covered with peacock -like feathers. Although muted in tones and a bit cloudy, as I sit looking at it over my desk, I'm really struck by how the process of painting captured the beginning of this re-birth. Not yet at full vibrancy, but clearly emerging.
Since then, I've begun to see the vibrant and irridecent shades of blue, green and golds making their way into my painting, my wardrobe and most recently my decor. The amazing part for me, is that it is not with a conscious intention! And so I have begun to ponder what the metaphor of the peacock might be for me.
It is perhaps the most Phoenix-like bird that I can conjure up in my mind's eye. In the myth of the Pheonix, it burns up and rises from the ashes - re-born and resplendant. A powerful metaphor for re-birth and transformation. The elements of fire and air indicate a swift and rapid shift.
A peacock is really hard to ignore. They are bright, shiny, exotic....and LOUD! For such a pretty package, they have quite a set of pipes. Peacocks don't skulk around the edges. They strut, unconcerned about being noticed as they go about their business. They aren't trying to fit in or be any less "peacock" than they already are. You don't see groups of them masquerading as pigeons, colluding with each other about their magnificence. (At least I haven't ...send me a note if you have and together we'll out them.....)
I love the beautiful "eye" on each of the tail feathers. As a peacock opens its fan for all to see, you notice that all the eyes are looking forward. They aren't looking behind at where its been but are focused forward on where it is heading. Eyes are a symbol of identity. In the chakra system, the third eye is the seat of the soul, the perpetually unfolding identity, who it is possible to become.
This is the gift of my peacock obsession - that a blouse isn't just a blouse or a pillow just a pillow - they are the reminders of who it is possible for me to become. They represent my self-acceptance at the deepest levels after years of trying to please. I've worn a pigeon disguise myself on many occasions and may have even fooled a few folks - or decided to pretend that I didn't notice that they were also in disguise. As I wear my blouse, and smile at the hit of colour in my living room, I know that I am creating my inner life on the outside and it feels marvelous!
Let me tell you honestly, that I have struggled most of my life with issues around weight and feelings of insecurity about my physical appearance. When I came out of the dressing room and saw the effect of this combination it felt like a homecoming. The richness, the vibrancy, the sassiness and the sophistication I saw staring back at me in the dress shop mirror was the part of me that had been waiting for a long time to be born.
I bought the outfit....and yes, a few other things too (the cat's already out of the bag now that my husband saw our joint visa bill!). As I stood waiting to pay, it was all I could do to not tell the wonderful saleswoman to hurry up before I changed my mind! I was wrestling with all kinds of thoughts about how my lifestyle really didn't match the beauty and sophistication of the clothes, did I deserve it, maybe I should just lose some weight and then look around for something similar....you know, the usual hoops I know many women jump through. ( I wonder do guys go through the same check out agony as we do? - that's another entry!)
Although I didn't notice it at the time, something had really begun to shift inside me. A desire to create a life outside of me that matched the one inside me more closely. A few days later, though the Creativity And Life Program process I created a painting covered with peacock -like feathers. Although muted in tones and a bit cloudy, as I sit looking at it over my desk, I'm really struck by how the process of painting captured the beginning of this re-birth. Not yet at full vibrancy, but clearly emerging.
Since then, I've begun to see the vibrant and irridecent shades of blue, green and golds making their way into my painting, my wardrobe and most recently my decor. The amazing part for me, is that it is not with a conscious intention! And so I have begun to ponder what the metaphor of the peacock might be for me.
It is perhaps the most Phoenix-like bird that I can conjure up in my mind's eye. In the myth of the Pheonix, it burns up and rises from the ashes - re-born and resplendant. A powerful metaphor for re-birth and transformation. The elements of fire and air indicate a swift and rapid shift.
A peacock is really hard to ignore. They are bright, shiny, exotic....and LOUD! For such a pretty package, they have quite a set of pipes. Peacocks don't skulk around the edges. They strut, unconcerned about being noticed as they go about their business. They aren't trying to fit in or be any less "peacock" than they already are. You don't see groups of them masquerading as pigeons, colluding with each other about their magnificence. (At least I haven't ...send me a note if you have and together we'll out them.....)
I love the beautiful "eye" on each of the tail feathers. As a peacock opens its fan for all to see, you notice that all the eyes are looking forward. They aren't looking behind at where its been but are focused forward on where it is heading. Eyes are a symbol of identity. In the chakra system, the third eye is the seat of the soul, the perpetually unfolding identity, who it is possible to become.
This is the gift of my peacock obsession - that a blouse isn't just a blouse or a pillow just a pillow - they are the reminders of who it is possible for me to become. They represent my self-acceptance at the deepest levels after years of trying to please. I've worn a pigeon disguise myself on many occasions and may have even fooled a few folks - or decided to pretend that I didn't notice that they were also in disguise. As I wear my blouse, and smile at the hit of colour in my living room, I know that I am creating my inner life on the outside and it feels marvelous!
posted by A at 10:33 AM
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