Changing At The Speed of Thought
When I sat down to write this entry, I had a completely different slant in mind. Suddenly life bubbled up in front of my and off I went in a new direction. Returning to my computer, I notice now that what I was going to write about had shifted entirely. In fact, I find myself noticing just how often those shifts occur - without me even noticing!
So often what appears in this forum is my attempt to make sense of the world and my experiences. The process usually begins with something that resonates deep within my body. If I am willing to pay attention, I begin to hear its strains emerging all around me in the conversations that I have with others, the books that attract my attention - even snippets of overheard conversations in a grocery store check out will seem to echo a part of it. It seems that every where I go, I notice the same riff with subtle variations which form a harmony too synchronistic to ignore. And before I know it, here I sit with humming through me, ready to integrate it in some way.
The observation that has been hard to ignore for the past few days is the one of self-sacrifice, and surprisingly, it was some of male friends through which these discoveries came to light. I say surprisingly because I am very familiar with the female version of this story of self-sacrifice, obsessive care-taking and yes, ladies, whether intended or not, we often wear the robes of martyrdom. The female version of this tale makes so much sense to me in light of our cultural conditioning to care take relationships, to be "good little girls", to be "nice"... you fill in the blank, because it maps to my own experiences.
Everything reached a crescendo in a conversation with a male friend recently. It was with great interest and compassion that I listened to him share his frustration and growing resentment of the burden he has taken on in supporting his family, his employees and anyone else who needed rescuing. This is a man with tremendous energy and zest for life whose primary desire is to live life fully and with excitement. As a rule, passion for living pours out of him, and yet recently, I had noticed that some of that spark was retreating.
As we talked, I realized on a deeper level, the cultural conditioning that men carry about being the provider, the hero, the rescuer and the one with all the answers. I understood how lonely that place could become; how small the space can be. I nearly jumped out of my seat to cheer as he claimed his ability to choose himself first. Claiming his right to create his own experience in life by choosing who he invested energy in, choosing who he spent time in conversation with, choosing time for himself over the myriad of details waiting on his desk was magic to witness. And yet, it was evident that this was a challenge to many of his beliefs about his role in his family and work life. Reclaiming himself in this way meant shedding some aspects of his old identity. As we spoke and he said these thing aloud, I could see that spark returning. He changed at the speed of a thought. A shift in perspective unlocked the box and there was a crack of light peeping through! Light that I suspect will continue to radiate everywhere as he continues living the choice he made to create life differently.
Finding yourself as the buffet that feeds everyone else was not an experience unique to women! What an enlightening discovery for me!! This conversation and thought has changed me in ways I am still discovering. Before that conversation it was an intellectual concept, today it is a deeply felt realization.
I find myself mentally reviewing a conversation recorded by Louise LeBrun, Founder of the WEL-Systems Institute, called "White Knights and Reluctant Heroes". As I ponder, I notice that much of what leaves men and women drained, frustrated and resentful is the roles we have co-created together. We can't wait to be released from these limitations - we must choose ourselves first.
As a woman, I am now noticing how I continue to hold beliefs about men that are not based on reality so much as habit and I am grateful to mind friend for opening my eyes and inviting me to change with the speed of thought.
If you are interested in the audio recording mentioned above, check out the product section of www.WEL-Systems.com
So often what appears in this forum is my attempt to make sense of the world and my experiences. The process usually begins with something that resonates deep within my body. If I am willing to pay attention, I begin to hear its strains emerging all around me in the conversations that I have with others, the books that attract my attention - even snippets of overheard conversations in a grocery store check out will seem to echo a part of it. It seems that every where I go, I notice the same riff with subtle variations which form a harmony too synchronistic to ignore. And before I know it, here I sit with humming through me, ready to integrate it in some way.
The observation that has been hard to ignore for the past few days is the one of self-sacrifice, and surprisingly, it was some of male friends through which these discoveries came to light. I say surprisingly because I am very familiar with the female version of this story of self-sacrifice, obsessive care-taking and yes, ladies, whether intended or not, we often wear the robes of martyrdom. The female version of this tale makes so much sense to me in light of our cultural conditioning to care take relationships, to be "good little girls", to be "nice"... you fill in the blank, because it maps to my own experiences.
Everything reached a crescendo in a conversation with a male friend recently. It was with great interest and compassion that I listened to him share his frustration and growing resentment of the burden he has taken on in supporting his family, his employees and anyone else who needed rescuing. This is a man with tremendous energy and zest for life whose primary desire is to live life fully and with excitement. As a rule, passion for living pours out of him, and yet recently, I had noticed that some of that spark was retreating.
As we talked, I realized on a deeper level, the cultural conditioning that men carry about being the provider, the hero, the rescuer and the one with all the answers. I understood how lonely that place could become; how small the space can be. I nearly jumped out of my seat to cheer as he claimed his ability to choose himself first. Claiming his right to create his own experience in life by choosing who he invested energy in, choosing who he spent time in conversation with, choosing time for himself over the myriad of details waiting on his desk was magic to witness. And yet, it was evident that this was a challenge to many of his beliefs about his role in his family and work life. Reclaiming himself in this way meant shedding some aspects of his old identity. As we spoke and he said these thing aloud, I could see that spark returning. He changed at the speed of a thought. A shift in perspective unlocked the box and there was a crack of light peeping through! Light that I suspect will continue to radiate everywhere as he continues living the choice he made to create life differently.
Finding yourself as the buffet that feeds everyone else was not an experience unique to women! What an enlightening discovery for me!! This conversation and thought has changed me in ways I am still discovering. Before that conversation it was an intellectual concept, today it is a deeply felt realization.
I find myself mentally reviewing a conversation recorded by Louise LeBrun, Founder of the WEL-Systems Institute, called "White Knights and Reluctant Heroes". As I ponder, I notice that much of what leaves men and women drained, frustrated and resentful is the roles we have co-created together. We can't wait to be released from these limitations - we must choose ourselves first.
As a woman, I am now noticing how I continue to hold beliefs about men that are not based on reality so much as habit and I am grateful to mind friend for opening my eyes and inviting me to change with the speed of thought.
If you are interested in the audio recording mentioned above, check out the product section of www.WEL-Systems.com
posted by A at 3:01 PM
<< Home